When you Stop Posting in your Journal or Blog or Community for a while

This might be a long story. Please just stop if you won't read it until the last period or not interested. You might just miss some good stories though.

OK. That was a long post title. I planned to just use That was a Real Hiatus as a title for this blog post, but I decided to copy the meaning of hiatus en toto, instead. It could be a real change. So, yes, titles for my blog posts starting today will be a meter long.

Second Semester and Free Will

The second semester has taken me back to the days of studying in Viga. It reminded me of the salad days in that Elementary school where I also first felt the pressure and importance of studying harder. Although I would say that I didn't give my all in this semester for the heck of me being this lazy and happy-go-lucky fella, I couldn't stop asking myself, "Was it a wake-up call for me?" It rang a bell.

I felt like it was a body call too, that I laid low and became a satisfied mediocre person much as I wished to be. But in the process, I was taken aback of everything I did – not so good for one who knows that he can do better. The sin of omission, they say.

My law prof has been mentioning this in our class that it is not good to choose not to act the way you should have been when you could have done better and you know you are capable doing of. I could not make an excuse because I know I am guilty.

I had three Accounting and two Law subjects this semester, which made it challenging. I swear I studied 401 to the limit, but barely read Labor, 203 and 303. It’s a shame.

To say the least, I am still proud that I fared well, although I hated myself for being so blind of this statement of grumpy Deneil Young, that if I am going to try [something], I might as well aim for the top.

I learned a lot nonetheless during this semester. I got closer to some old friends and acquaintances before and met a few people – friends I could already say. Drawing circles again! Aha.

And aside from the heavy books I carry every day, I added some novels, again, in the cabinet. I read another Grisham and found a new author. It's better to read than not read at all.

One hurrah moment maybe was being able to familiarize myself with teachers and students. But you know, I had a seatmate I never talked to but there are also those whom I built battery with (in baseball, it is when the pitcher is synched with the catcher). I have to thank them for playing a good game.

One simple act of two great professors delighted me so much. I received a Snickers from a prof for being attentive "daw" during her classes when what I only remember was nodding and smiling (just kidding ma'am, I learned a lot from you not just the lessons we have in our book), and a "libre" from a prof who has been teaching in the university for almost 20 years and is just so humble that he can make friends with young people like us. They are very admirable.

My thanks and admiration is also to this professor who shared simple, but BIG words for us students who are in pursuit of a dream. May we reach the end.

I would like to congratulate everybody who did not quit the battle. Our sleepless nights will be rewarded soon. Getting what we deserve will make us really happy, and getting more than what we deserve is another blessing. Yahoo!

Going back to mediocrity, I realized that whatever people may show us, it is still our option to follow our inner voice. Yes. What’s good in life is that until we do not die, we experience these things and then we learn something about them. We realize our actions and we reflect on them.

There is so much for one to hold. There are those we cannot control, those we couldn't live up to. There are also those we already have: ones we deserve and not, ones we ignore while others long for, ones we enjoy, but ones they loathe, and ones we are thankful for but the ones they cannot appreciate.

THIS IS LIFE. What are we supposed to do?

Let's use our free will.

Another day of SP

Sleep paralysis is a phenomenon in which people, either when falling asleep or wakening, temporarily experience an inability to move (being paralyzed). More formally, it is a transition state between wakefulness and rest characterized by complete muscle atonia (muscle weakness). 

After experiencing this one time, I read articles about it and found out that it usually occurs in two forms. If it occurs while you are falling asleep, it's called hypnagogic or predormital sleep paralysis – the one I just experienced this morning. If it happens as you are waking up, it's called hypnopompic or postdormital sleep paralysis – one I experienced several times in the past. 

Sleep paralysis is believed to be a result of disrupted REM sleep, which is normally characterized by complete muscle atonia that prevents individuals from acting out their dreams. This morning, as I was about to sleep, I suddenly felt that this is about to happen. There is a split second I have to choose whether I would cancel it or not. I chose to experience it rather! And this is the reason why I am writing this article.

On my readings, episodes of SP are accompanied by hallucinations and the sensation of breathlessness. Such hallucinations likely gave rise to the myths of the incubus and the succubus, demons that pin people down in their sleep. That of course is just a myth and I haven't seen them! And maybe because what I experience most of the time are just ISPs. But today is a different story. I sensed a malevolent presence nearby. When I tried to look up, there is an image. Since I am conscious and my body is just in paralysis, I remembered the myth. I focused on the image – I don't know how I did it because I was in the Rapid Eye Movement Stage – and what I saw is someone with a long hair and not scary. 

They said that some sleep paralysis episodes come with feelings of falling, floating or dissociating from the body. [Un]fortunately, I was fixed to my body. I didn't panic. I was analyzing what was happening. When I tried to move my hands, the faster REM I experienced. 

Lately, I was thinking that maybe there is truth to this:

"People with analytical thinking styles were less likely to hold such supernatural beliefs, and were less likely to be distressed after experiencing sleep paralysis. Analytical thinkers may be more likely to seek out and believe naturalistic or scientific explanations for the condition, the researchers wrote, while intuitive thinkers might be drawn to supernatural explanations." Stephanie Pappas, Livescience 2013

I remember how fast my eyes were moving. I also remember how I felt trying to move my hands just to see how fast my eyes could get. It was mind-blogging. Then after some minutes, I noticed that I can move my body already, and then I woke myself out.

Sleep paralysis is ultimately considered harmless. My advice, when you experience the same, just feel the moment and relax. You'll probably get through it. Haha. And pray.

Something I will not Regret

It's been a while when I paused and tried to think of what is really happening in my life at the present. I couldn't believe I made it this far. It was just like yesterday when I was playing in the dirt with my manong and manang under the shade of that nymph tree near some aging kuliglig. It was just yesterday when the whole sitio of Cabulalaan has gone crazy searching for two naughty children (my cousin Ericson and I) who wandered in the morning and were found in the middle of the corn field late afternoon; we actually went down the bridge of Karayan Daya and tried to catch fish and frogs, then whips we got!  It was just yesterday when I bade farewell to my friends in Ilocos and began a new life in the promise land Canangan, when I was nearly killed by a raging cow, when I really abhorred being in that class because of receiving a ribbon and not a medal, when I witnessed how mad dad could be, when I reached high school and proved that I can do things I've never done before, when I said and wrote a lot of awful things to my crush nonetheless I liked in the end, when I got emotional by seeing people say their goodbyes. For the past 19 years, I never imagined how colorful life could be. I dreamed and wished. Some happened. Some did not. I just realized that it is what you experience that really makes you wonder about life. I don't know, but I'm starting to realize how perfect life is. Our shortcomings. The ugly day we make. They don't matter because they are the same with our successes. We encounter them and we experience them. So I came to this conclusion: It doesn't matter anymore how I lived and how I will spend the rest of the time, just that I'll make it sure that it will never be something that I will regret.

2013 and some Adjectives

When I knew I got no time to write a review anymore, I threw myself on the bed and asked what’s wrong with me. But in order not to ruin the holidays, I decided to let the days pass by, chose to enjoy the time with my family and friends, and planned to better indulge the rest of the day doing what I don’t usually do in Baguio. But looking at how I spent the holidays, I found it rather irritating. I thought I faced the television and the computer most of the time, and ONLY did get out when I knew the time was already running fast. But whatever I say, 2013 is forever gone.

1. What are the things I did in 2013 that I haven’t done before?

I found this question hard to answer. I couldn’t remember anything. Thanks to my journal and to Facebook and Twitter, I got them scribbled.

a) It was my first time to go to a book bazaar. I made a reader in me. I bought books like never before: novels, poems and essay books, art books, and some literary selfies. Today, I got a collection of them, and I believe I need to buy a cabinet soon.

b) I created a literary blog (Taludturan) in Tumblr. I began to write poems again and was able to post/write more or less  50 poems this year.

c) I was able to follow several actions in tennis, table tennis, chess, basketball,  and football! Became a fan of Andy, Rafa, Masha, S. Williams, GMs Wesley, Aronian, Karjakin, and WC GM Carlsen, Azkals (of course), Barca, Gilas, Ma Long, WH, Zhang, Xu Xin, and a lot more.

d) I never reviewed and stayed up late like I did this year. Academics for the win. This is not an interesting topic. Skip.

e) It was my first time to take an Accounting exam without any review. The sad truth is, it was not for the heck of the experience, so I got a wasay!

f) My first time to go and spend some time in Camp John Hay, Riverside resort in Asin, and Pangasinan specifically BFAR. It was my first time to hold a sea cucumber, and be left at home for a field trip. Thanks for the second chances! Hahaha.

g) I guess I travelled a lot this year. I spent some days in the mountains of Quirino, enjoyed their falls and rivers there. I went to Aurora also and lucky to have “rock” hopping. Mehehe. I also had a time to enjoy the Anguib beach in Sta. Ana, Cagayan, and swam with the seaweeds.

2. Did I meet any of my important goals in 2013? What are my goals for next year?

I thank God for what I have become, for what I was able to achieve, and for everything I am holding onto.

2013 was a very fruitful year, and I say cheers to everyone who is part of this AWESOME life!

I maintained a blog! I became more aware of the blogosphere, made some friends with a number of bloggers, and was even fortunate to join Saranggola Blog Awards. I maintain three blogs today, this blog and the other two. Writing has become more fun this year.

Academics might not be so full of sweet successes, but what's important is that I passed and learned new things.

I stayed healthy and fit. It was this year that I couldn't remember the last time I was sick. Thanks to the enormous amount of water I am drinking and to my table tennis family. Sweating with you guys made it even better!

I developed a sense of positiveness and easygoingness. More friends and acquaintances were established. More food and small talks came along the way. Thanks to the Fine Art of Small Talk by Debra Fine, conversations have never been this effective.

I had fun but also had become silly. Cracking jokes were often so having other people hate me (us friends) was not a question. But making people abhor you so much feels so wrong, so at the end of the day, you try to make peace. 

All these being said, there is still a list of things I got to work out this 2014. I need to be more organized and be more understanding. I have to write and read more. I wish 2014 to be just fine or even better.

3. Did anyone close to me die?

My uncle. Lung cancer. My Lolo. Old age.

4. What countries did I visit?

I wish to travel the whole of ASEAN, Japan, Canada, and some other places but it’s not yet time.

5. What would I like to have in 2014 that I lacked in 2013.

An iPhone and pretty good savings.

6. What dates from 2013 will remain etched upon my memory, and why?

None? Maybe 11/12/13. Apocalyptic. I am never good at remembering experiences through dates. So friends, don’t feel less happy when I forget your birthdays. Don’t worry. When you call for a dinner, I’ll be there. And I might consider giving you a gift the next time, not if I forget.

7. What was my biggest achievement this year? What was my biggest failure?
I don’t know. There are several cakes and there also mess ups. Winning CATCUP1 maybe. My biggest failure is believing in a lie. But things were already fixed. Peace is what I want.


8. What was the best thing I bought?

These books and this small table. 

9. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Mama, papa, at mga kapatid for supporting me in all my endeavors, damay na rin ang mga small wants ko. Hehe. My friends for just keeping the lawn green. Sirs and ma’ams for appreciating the little things that I do.

10. Where did most of my money go?

According to my financial journal, most of my money was spent mostly in rent, clothing, food, and then books.

11. What did I get really, really, really excited about?

The development of Wesley So, Azkals, Gilas, and the games of my tennis idols.

12.   What song will always remind me of 2013?

Dreaming by Kim Soo Hyuk of Dream High. When I heard the song, I felt the emotion. It’s Korean but the title itself gives a hint of what the singer feels. This song is the most played in my playlist.

13.  Compared to this time last year, am I:

a) Happier or sadder?

Happier!

b) Thinner or fatter?

Fatter! When people begin to notice it, I would reply what one of my profs in Accounting would always say: I’m getting richer!

b) Richer or poorer?

Richer.

14.   What do I wish I’d done more of?

Preparing green and leafy breakfast, vegetable drinks!

15.  What do I wish I’d done less of?

Eating bread. Facebooking.

16. How did I spend Christmas?

Family reunion at Tugue. Visited Anguib beach.

16. Did I fall in love in 2013?

Fell in love with myself, and the great things that came along the way.

17. What was my greatest musical discovery?

Playing instruments once in a while takes you to different times of your past. It also makes you dream of the future.

18. What did I want and get?

A watch.

19. What did I want and not get?

TFIOS by John Green. Please, buy me one. :(

20. What did I do on my birthday?

We celebrated!

21. What one thing would have made my year immeasurably more satisfying?

Being able to beat kuya Mabs just a single game. Wahaha

22. Who kept me sane?

The ghost in my room, my friends who read my scribblings. 

23. Who was the best new person I met?

You just love the way people differ from each other: the way they look at you, the way they look at themselves, and the way they look at the beauty of life. They are the best in their own way.

24. A valuable life lesson I learned in 2013:

Keep going on, but enjoy the moment. Don't go to a place for selfies or Facebook's sake. 

25. A song lyric that sums up my year:

When the day that lies ahead of me
Seems impossible to face
When someone else instead of me
Always seems to know the way....
Then I look at you
And the world's all right with me
Just one look at you
And I know it's gonna be
A lovely day

– Lovely Day, Bill Withers

Wear yourself through TIMEX

TIMEX® Originals Vintage Inspired 1978

I remember someone saying watches are now being replaced by technology. By that, he meant phones and other gadgets. Well, I do not agree. Go to different places, wear your watch, and you will not worry about your time. When you are traveling, things might be so surprising, and you might be so excited that you'll jump into a river with your phone in your pocket! That would be a serious problem. But with watches, you can always be on the go. Needless to say, almost all watches now are water resistant! So next time you go outside, don't forget to wear one!

Introducing TIMEX® Originals Vintage Inspired 1978!  As one who loves traveling and staying outside, wearing this TIMEX® Hero watch best suits the personality I have!

This watch offers me two interchangeable straps. When the sun is in full bloom, I would pick the orange one! The color suits my style of clothing. Plus, the color reflects something that is lively and full of enthusiasm. It's perfect because I love music and crowd! And when adventure time is on, the black strap would simply do it. With the classy, vintage-inspired watch and a jacket, I can go to every place I want.

But most especially, I was in love with the design. I am a very simple man and this watch, for me, defines simplicity. When going outside, what's important is you are confident with what you are wearing. It defines you and it becomes you at the end of the day.

So, again. The next time you go outside, don't forget to wear one! Don't forget to wear a hero! Don't forget to wear yourself!

Rekindling What was Long Forgotten

When I was a kid, I was particular with details. I plan and create, and when I found the work dull, I ponder and do the work again. I love putting unnecessary details, but in the long run, I learned to keep my work simple. I forgot about the glitters and the ribbons. I forgot the curly lines and the colorful shadows that dance around figures and letters. They are all gone but not my love in the arts. I am happy that some people began to appreciate the things I draw. My daycare teacher would choose me to go to competitions which I do not like before. I have this fear. I do not want to face many people so the letters my teacher would ask me to give to my mother would end up being thrown in the river. But one day, I forgot the routine so mom learned about it and trained me. No matter how they like me to draw, I would make a square window circle thinking they would rather make me stay inside the house than go to the city and compete with other children. Soon, the competition came, and I ended up coloring my drawing and explaining to the audience what was it. I can still remember that time even if that's thirteen years ago, and I can't stop laughing at myself--what a silly kid I was. It became a stepping stone to me. I drew more and tried making posters. When projects come, I finish them easily and even make some money by doing other classmates' projects. High school was even more exciting. You do posters here, posters there. Every program has its own poster-making competitions, so I tried to win some, and win some more. It was fun actually. In my first, I lost. But after it, I began wrecking balls! I win every competition I joined. When I began to notice it, I tried doing slogans, and I always landed third! I wonder why. College was another stage in my life. I became simpler than what my mind could imagine. I was satisfied by completing the work, the usual presentations, projects and what have you, without putting extra effort to make them more presentable. I remember a comment from a teacher: "You are very minimalist." Actually, I love the comment. It made me even more minimalistic, but don't be like me because people tend to appreciate things with special touches. Like what my law prof would say, I say, bahala ka diyan. Today, I just discovered things again. I dared to make some collages and paintings to keep myself sane.

Recent work

New Morning

Yesterday was a total change. From the room I so loved, I'm now living in a whole new one. I got a big clear window that shows a great view of the outside, and I got the usual noise of the morning: dog barks, vehicular noise, footsteps, a free radio on the neighborhood, and a singing girl in the other room.

My morning is a lot different now. But I love the birds chirping in that lonely tree. And these lines of wires intersecting each other, they make me think of life and its paths.

The room looks empty so I am planning to do some paintings and collages. I will print a copy of Desiderata and paste it in the ceiling. What a nice poem to read before going to sleep! I just really hope I'll be able to finish a collage or a painting because they are in my to-do list this year.

Ang bago kong lungga.

Mga librong nakolekta ko. Madadagdagan pa kaya?

Jung Personality Test Result

Extroverted (E) 66.67% Introverted (I) 33.33%

Sensing (S) 57.14% Intuitive (N) 42.86%

Thinking (T) 51.35% Feeling (F) 48.65%

Judging (J) 52.63% Perceiving (P) 47.37%

Your type is: ESTJ

ESTJ - "Administrator". Much in touch with the external environment. Very responsible. Pillar of strength. 8.7% of total population.

Jung Type Description

Organized, group oriented, focused, conventional, leader, emotionally stable, anal, attention seeking, planner, realistic, fearless, responsible, finisher, decisive, norm following, respects authority, punctual, hard working, stiff, self confident, thinks rules and regulations are important, follows the rules, clean, outgoing, social, content, does not like being alone, normal, regular, does not like weird or strange people / things - intolerant of differences, strict, disciplined, aggressive, assertive, content, happy, proper, formal, strict with self, meticulous, strong sense of purpose

Favored careers:

executive, ceo, supervisor, business consultant, manager, strategist, financial planner, business person, office manager, public relations manager, international business specialist, business analyst, management consultant, operations manager, loan officer, lawyer, marketing, sports management, government employee, investment banker.

Disfavored careers:

Poet, artist, songwriter, musician, novelist, art therapist, theatre teacher, art curator, film editor, video game designer, photojournalist, travel writer, actor, record store owner, camera operator, art historian, music teacher.

Disclaimer:

Keep in mind, your results are dependent on the accurate truth of your responses. The more you take this test and get the same result, the more likely that is your type. Finally, your scores and type, over the long term, will change as you do.

***

Comment:

Upon taking the test, you'll be asked to be as much as possible very honest. So I took the test and got these very surprising results. First, I think that my type (ESTJ) really suits my personality. I am extrovert. I am more into sensing than being intuitive, more of a thinking type than a feeling one. And about the last, I wouldn't disagree more. Second, I really don't know how this test associates my type with the careers mentioned above. I disagree with some things: I think I can be a poet, a songwriter, a musician, a photojournalist, and a travel writer. I mean, I can be such as much as I wanted to be. Third, I know that the result is general, so I want to see what the other ESTJs think about the result.

Take the TEST.

Looking Back: 1st Sem 2013

June was just an ordinary start of classes. There was this same prayer of having the job well done. 

Nervousness was hidden on everyone's eyes. Fingers crossed, students prayed that the most terror would not enter their class and the kindest would instead. It was not an assurance though, that the best is of the kindest, and the worst equates to the terror. A week later, some were relieved and some were already stressed. Some did not get the challenge while some boasted, "Bring it on!"

I could feel the intensity of every exam we took. All are serious; It's like a matter of life and death. But not everyone who comes in front and gets his yellow paper showed victory. Some undeniably accepted a lost battle. I, for example, lost my first battle, too. Bloody red, I took my revenge and wielded my sword better than that of my first and drew first blood. Prelims was not a joke.

Midterms. Lessons just got harder. I focused on 302 and forgot the other. No wonder of getting a 70 in my 202. What a heartbreaker. On the other hand, getting 8/10 in the deptals of my 302 somehow balanced it off. I learned my lessons. Maybe. I was so happy yet disappointed of myself because I know I could have done better.

Finals was a huge wave. Projects, reports, and some other works were given so we need to at least feel like "surperhumans." We felt some relief when the departmental exams for both law and accounting classes were finished. We prepared for the Final exams; we prepared for the semestral break. But before the sem concluded, typhoon Santi came on the Philippines. So exams were suspended—another drama happened.

A poem from Contemporary Glasses rather summarizes the sem experience

ALL WAS WELL

It was five months…

Understanding the contents of a red book

Dealing with mockeries thrown to a mall

Keeping me updated of environmental problems

It was five months…

Solving R(x), C(x) and P(x)

Getting the derivatives of functions

Doing well with numbers and letters

It was five months…

Knowing an obligation and a contract

Winning the game of requisites

Listening to Desiderata

It was five months…

Knowing how to manage production

Mapping facilities layouts

Discussing a lesson projected in a white screen

It was five months…

Completing a research

Creating a usable system

Managing to boost an initial 7

It was five months…

Accounting for a home office and its branches

Dealing with business combinations

Knowing foreign exchange transactions

It was five months…

Learning property, plant and equipment

Understanding liabilities

Accounting for equity

It was five months…

And all was well yesterday night…

Thanks bro for letting me use your poem. Este salamat kahit ko hindi na `pinagpaalam pa.

***

Kahit Papaano

Ginawa ko itong blog na ito noong February 2012 para kahit papaano may imbakan ako ng mga iniisip at naiisip na pwede ring i-share sa mga kakosa. Dalawampu't isang buwan na ang nakalipas at kahit papaano ay nakapaglagay na ng 70 posts at nakakuha na rin 10,000 mahigit na pageviews. Hindi man ito ganoon kalaki kung ikukumpara sa mga blogs na iniidolo ko, para sa akin ay isa na itong malaking achievement.

Maraming maraming salamat sa mga inspirasyon.

Maraming salamat sa mga pumapansin.

Maraming salamat sa mga nakikisilip.

Maraming salamat sa mga nagbibigay ng mga payo.

Maraming salamat sa mga nakikipindot.

Maraming salamat sa mga komento.

Maraming salamat sa pag-follow at paglike.

Maraming salamat rin sa mga sarcasms.

At higit sa lahat, maraming salamat sayo!

Sana lumaki pa itong lambat ko

At sana magkaroon pa ako ng sapat na lakas

upang makakuha pa ng mga letrang nagsisiliparan sa kalangitan.